an uncomfortable voice

Challenged: that’s the word that pounds in my chest and shouts in my head. I mean really challenged.

Sometimes it seems like too often we use this word and it never gets us anywhere. We can say that we are “challenged” but we are never really moved, we can be “challenged” but never really shaken, at least not to the point of response. Yet how can we be challenged in and by faith without responding?

Faith cannot have a non-response.

Either we accept the challenge, the invitation to be used by God, or we push it aside. Ultimately, its a choice between what's comfortable and what's uncomfortable.

This morning I received an email that shared the newest post from one of the blogs that I follow. Often times I dismiss them because the posts are so long to read. Yet this morning, unintentionally, I happened to click on the email, and when it opened I was immediately immersed; completely captured by the words . . . this is what she wrote. . . 
 

I am not going to lie.
When your kin comes knocking on your own back door — come to ask how that trip to Haiti went — how can you look them in the eye and lie?
How can you lie still when babies are drowning in a sea of poverty?
How can you not scream?
I tell Mama that I think I’m angry.
Mama sits down.
And I pace, this hunting for words for the indescribable. And it comes out haltingly, that I think if I open my mouth, it will come right out, this roar. This inhumane, howling moan that only the Spirit can make any sense of…
Angry? She says.
And there’s no holding this tattered roar back.

I’m angry at sin that smothers children and selfishness that steals human dignity and apathy that infects the hearts of the comfortable. And I pound my own chest.
I’m angry at me.
Angry at how much I want comfortable more than I want Christ.
Angry at how much I want to forget that grimy boy leaned over a garbage heap, wiping his fingers along the inside of food tray, looking for anything left. I’m wildly angry that I want to forget the struggle of the poor so I can pin the next pretty idea on Pinterest.
I’m angry that I’ve seen and I’m ashamed that I am angry and I’m angry that I’ve seen and now I am responsible. More than response-able – we’re response-bound. Once we have seen the poor, we are responsible — we will make a response. As long as your heart is beating, there’s no such thing as unresponsive. We all look into the face of the poor and it’s either Yes, I will help. Or no, I won’t.
There’s no getting off the hook.
Faith cannot have a non-response.
We’re either responding with indifference or with intercession, either with apathy or aid.
You can’t look into the face of the poor and just plead the fifth amendment. Your life is always your answer.
I feel sick that I feel so angry.
Sick that I want to Pin with abandon, that I don’t want to be a witness, that I want someone else be an uncomfortable voice for the poor. Sick that six weeks from now I can grow cold and forget. I have.

Why do Christians make their lives tell all these half-truths?

How long can you walk around feeling like you have whiplash? Is heart whiplash what you need to wake your heart up?

Why would we rather turn a blind eye to the needy than turn to the needy and be like Christ? Do we like our own wants and comfort more than we want to be like Christ?

-   -   -

 

If the grace of my life is mostly where I am born, and I am born again into the family of Christ, than how can my life birth anything other than a grace that gives?
It’s what I found right here in Haiti: it’s all in the end a gift and a gift never stops being a gift, it’s always meant to be given, and it’s all by His grace alone and I bend my stiff neck and I’m wrecked and everything gives way.
Why do good things happen to people who happen to take all that good for granted?

I am so angry and so much at me.
When you are born again into the Kingdom of God, how can you ever again forget your kin? Part of the solution to poverty is doing whatever it takes to get your heart to stay with the poor.
There may be miles between the rich and the poor, but how can there be distance in the family of God. 
 

Challenged.

Challenged to respond.

Challenged to live in the uncomfortable.

Challenged to want Christ more than I want comfortable.

 

“To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in His steps.” 1 Peter 2:21

into the mess

Before I began blogging, I was clueless as to how many blogs were actually written by young adults. There is inspiration to be found in many of them, especially when you find other bloggers that have the same perspectives and beliefs as you.

But, while it may be encouraging and even inspiring to read their stories, sometimes I walk away feeling like there is an expectation to meet. After seeing what seems like, consistently splendid daily lives, it can feel like I too must meet this expectation for my own blog; or more prevailing . . . I then feel like I must meet this expectation in my own life.

And I choke, because my every day life begins to feel too small compared to the expectation.

Recently I read a blog post from a friend, and she include a quote from another blogger that said,

This has been on my mind lately. In the blogging world, we all have a tendency to make life look glamorous and easy and beautiful. And, at times, it is. But, at other times, life is not. Life, quite a lot of the time, is embarrassing, awkward, hard and just...well, not pretty.

Life, quite a lot of the time is not a reel of splendid scenes. Its hard and challenging, its raw emotion and its troublesome at times, it gets confusing and awkward, it can be embarrassing and uncomfortable, but its real, and its okay.

The expectation that life has to be prefect is far from reality. Life is a beautiful mess and we are learning through it all. God knows that we aren’t perfect. . . He doesn’t expect us to be. He does, however, expect us to strive to be more like Him and to be transformed into His likeness. He knows that things can get messy and  He loves us so much that he enters right into the mess with us. He doesn’t wait until things are tidy and perfect, because He knows that we are human, and perfection is simply unattainable.

The call to Christianity is not the call to be perfect. It’s a call to follow the One who is perfect and aim to be more like Him each and every day.

Life is not always picture perfect or ideal, and hardly do we live at a place of constant, blissful contentment. Life is often mundane and routine. Some days are just plain boring and others can be so tiresome. Yet the miracle of it all, is that our God remains the same. He is in the midst of the wearisome and ordinary. He is constant.

In an attempt to end all of these thoughts, I remember a post that another blogger shared. This part of the post seems to sum up my rambling thoughts: 

To adore the one who created the Heavens and the Earth, to give thanks for who He is and all He has given, to worship and commune with Holy God, whispering in the quite, clinging to the noise, believing in all circumstances – this is what makes a life large.  

Finding joy in Him, in a day that goes all wrong, this is the miracle.

every moment

Today I look around and my breath catches in my throat. Blessed. Beyond blessed. Some days seem mundane and others magnificent, but through it all I have the chance to say yes to all He gives. To say thank you for the good and the bad, the mundane and magnificent, because I've learned that a heart turned toward Him is the only way to live full of joy.

But life gets busy, it gets so fast and so full, that at the end of the day it can just feel empty. Some days, I forget to remember that every moment I can live here on my knees with hands raised. . .  if I would just choose to see it.

We wait, expectant, for all He is doing and then it hits me, this is it, this is life to the fullest. He is in the smallest of moments, the moments that pass too soon. I see Him in the smiles of those around me, in the silent mornings and in the late nights, in the laughter and in the friendships that are growing. There isn't a moment that doesn't overflow with His love. Right now I breathe deep and bend knees and raise hands high, choosing not to miss these moments.

Seeing them has not always been easy; but it's because of the hard seasons and deep lessons before, that today is a little easier.

“I know deep in my spirit that the hard seasons don't minimize Him but in fact magnify His goodness. Here is where I learn to know Him more.”

I want to see Him more. I don't want to miss the moments He gives, they are far too precious to miss.

There is a new season ahead of me, a season of growing in God and learning what it fully means to follow after my Father. The anticipation towards it is stirring inside of me; ready for whatever God has in store. 

Again I thank Him for how blessed I am. 

That’s what we are standing under here; His blessings. The grace moments each day and the God-ordained opportunities, He sends them in His perfect timing.  Yet tomorrow, or next week, or even ten minutes from now I could forget to count each moment as holy. I will forget to count the struggles and the heartache as grace moments, and just the same I might even forget to count them in the midst of joyful laughter and contentment. Yet with each day, the more I thank Him for the gifts that He gives, the easier it becomes to see them, even despite the ever shifting circumstances around me.

Every morning, before the daily life begins . . . before I set my feet on the ground beneath, I know I have to pray. . . I have to choose to remember to see the grace moments that He gives.

make the most of me

Marie Miller’s song Make The Most Of Me has become one of those songs that captures my attention every time I hear it. Its not the melody or the beat of the music that moves me, but the lyrics that have captured my heart and every time I hear them my heart cries out to God as if the words have never before been spoken; as if its a new song over and over again.

 

On my own, I’m afraid to step out on the sea
All alone, no mountain will move fore me
But you breathe your life into my soul
You take away the impossible 

I can feel your mystery moving in my hands and feet

You make the most of me, You make the most of me

With you here, I see sight return to the blind
When you're near, I can watch the dead come to life
You shine your light into our souls
You make all things possible

I can feel your mystery moving in my hands and feet
Leading me through disbelief, finding strength when I feel weak
You make the most of me, You make the most of me

You make the most of me, You make the most of me

I can feel your mystery moving in my hands and feet
Leading me through disbelief, finding strength when I feel weak

You make the most of me, You make the most of me

captivating and irreplaceable

- An excerpt from the book Captivating that I am currently reading

There is a scene near the end of the film Anna and the King…let me describe it. The setting is nineteenth-century Siam, a tiny but beautiful Asian country still in the grips of its ancient past. Anna, an English woman living in Siam as a tutor to the king’s many offspring, has helped King Mangkut prepare for a state dinner. He wants to show the British that his country is ready to enter into the affairs of the world, so the dinner is given in the English style – silverware, tablecloths, candlelight, and, at the end of the meal, ballroom dancing.

When the feast is over and it comes time for the dance, the king stands and extends his hand to Anna. He invites her to dance with him. He fixes his gaze upon her and is distracted by nothing and no one else. He waits for her response. She is clearly surprised, taken aback, but has the grace to respond and stand. As they walk past the long table, the king’s eyes never stray from hers, a smile playing on his lips. Others are upset that he has chosen her. Some watch with contempt, others with pleasure. It is of no consequence to the king or to Anna.
Anna came to the ball prepared. She was beautiful in a striking gown that shimmered like starlight. She spent hours getting herself ready – her hair, her dress, her heart. As they reach the dance floor, Anna expresses her fear of dancing with the King before the eyes of others. “We wouldn’t want to end up in a heap,” she says. His answer to her questioning heart? “I am King. I will lead.”
Jesus is extending his hand to you. He is inviting you to dance with him. He asks, “May I have this dance. . . every day of your life?” His gaze is fixed on you. He is captivated by your beauty. He is smiling. He cares nothing of the opinion of others. He is standing. He will lead. He waits for your response.

‘My lover spoke and said to me,

“Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me”’ Song 2:10

 

This week I decided to pick up the book Captivating and read through it again. This excerpt captured the beauty of the story from the film (Anna and the King) and the story of our own lives in Christ. After reading this book for the first time, two years ago, I was left with an awakened responsiveness and even a new awareness towards the heart of God and this beautiful romance that He beckons each of us to be apart of.

 

In the world we are living in today, our perception can become so compromised from being surrounded by the deceptive images of beauty that the world has fabricated and thrown in front of us. For girls especially, finding their identity is challenging enough and when they don’t recognize that their identity has to be found in God, they easily accept those images of beauty, perfection, and  acceptance. They accept this as the mark they have to meet, the image they have to become. Through this distorted vision they desperately seek to find their worth, to find their role in this world. Inevitably they are left with an even deeper desperation because the world cannot, and will never be able to fill that God-shaped hole in our lives, a hole that only the Father can fill.

 

As I am continually discovering a deeper identity in Christ, I still have to diligently guard my heart and my mind against those lies about what the world believes is acceptable, beautiful, and even worthy.

“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing, and perfect will” Romans 12:2

It’s unbelievable how these lies are shaping a mold that people left and right are trying to conform to, a mold that they are trying to fit into. Sadly, none of them realize that they are trying to fit into this mold, this role, this image, that they were not created for. God created each of us to fill an irreplaceable role, one that no one else could fill; no one but you.

“Of course this is scary. Responding to the invitations of Jesus often feels like the riskiest thing we’ve ever done. The life of the friends of God is a life of profound risk. The risk of loving others. The risk of stepping our and offering, speaking up and following our God-given dreams. The risk of playing the irreplaceable role that it yours to play. Of course it is hard. If it were easy, you’d see lots of people living this way. How it turns out is no longer the point. Living this way, as people who are alive, is a choice we make because it is the person we want to be. It is our loving response to our Lover’s invitation”

 

“If you are called, God will make a way. Either where you are or through a change of circumstances. Follow your Lover; respond to his invitations. With him, there is no stopping you”

How else do we respond when God speaks to us and says, “Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me”. Total and complete surrender. Trust. Acceptance to the invitation that He is giving us. This is our loving response; our answer to the call He has for each of our lives, to play the irreplaceable role He has given us.

when you find yourself in a valley |continued|

We’ve all been there. We’ve all been at that place where we couldn’t see straight, that place where nothing made sense; we’ve all walked through one of those valleys at some point in our lives. Earlier this week I was reading through some of my old notes and I was encouraged and challenged with a particular few, some of which I’ve already shared through my blog. I planned to finish sharing the rest of them the following day but somehow life happened: crazy busy real life, and time flew right out the window. So, after being delayed a few days, I now find myself sitting here by my open window, listening to the rain and finally feeling like I am able to breath, finally able to slow down for a moment and just be here, all of me here in His presence.  I was compelled to read Hebrews chapter twelve before writing anything else, and I after I finished I was almost tempted to write out the entire chapter below because it is such a powerful and encouraging word, it sums up everything and it was just what I needed to hear,

“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow and lose heart.” Hebrews 12:2-3

  I feel almost as if my simple notes are just an afterthought proceeding those verses. However, the reminders that these notes have presented are found time and again throughout His word and still I am challenged by them and inspired to share them . . .  

 

When You Find Yourself in a Valley

- Stay Connected

two are better than one, woe to him who is alone – read Ecclesiastics 4 - when you are in a valley, you can’t see straight, but believe that God is moving!

When we find ourselves walking through a valley, the hardship we are facing, the pain we are experiencing, and the very idea of a valley can cause us to take our eyes off of the focus: which is Jesus. Things around us may become unclear and seem distorted but when we have a focus we know that we have a hope and a destination; not in the valley, but far beyond it. In Psalm 23:4 it says “I walk through the valley”. There is an absolute hope that we are going to get out of the valley we are in, but sometimes it takes time. Sometimes that walk through it, tries our patience, our faith, and things start to get even more distracting around us. That’s when we have to press in like never before so that we don’t loose focus, so we don’t take our eyes off of Jesus.  

- Stay Connected

Don’t loose focus! – read Hebrews 12! - refuse to take your eyes off of God’s promises the power is in the cross, keep your eyes on the cross

When we take our focus off of God, our eyes immediately focus in on our fears, our doubts, the pain, and our own plans about how to make it out of the valley on our own. That’s where we tend to loose it. That’s the moment when our focus is disrupted and in its place all of these distractions come flooding in. That’s why it is so important to stay focused. We should want to stay so focused on Him and His promises, so that we can make it through the valley as quick as we can. Pressing into his word and grasping the fullness of his promises and the hope that they bring is the only thing that will get us through. He promises us that we are not destined to stay in the valley, but to move through it. "God has planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.” Hebrews 11:40 “ I consider that our present sufferings are not compared with the glory that will be revealed in us.” Romans 8:18

when you find yourself in a valley

Earlier this year I was blessed with the opportunity to go to the Generation Unleashed youth conference. It was such a powerful time of being in God’s presence. God did some amazing things in my life and I was filled with this new passion to pursue Him like never before. It was an unforgettable experience and I learned some powerful, challenging, and encouraging things.
 

 
This morning, with a cup of tea in-hand, I was reading over my notes that I took while I was at the youth conference. I had not anticipated to re-discover the powerful reminders that I came across. When I came upon the section titled when you find yourself in a valley my heart kind-of did this partial leap, and then stopped. Immediately I knew this section was going to be one of those challenging yet powerful lessons, scratch that, it was going to be one of those very challenging yet very powerful lessons.
 
Despite what I was anticipating at that moment, I knew that I didn’t want to rush over this section, and so, I thought maybe if I rewrote it, the words would sink a little deeper, and perhaps it would be encouraging and helpful to you as well.
 
When You Find Yourself in a Valley
 
- Stay Active

keep moving forward, help other people  

the moment your stop giving, you stop growing  

this whole thing is about helping other people 

serve somebody

I remember the speaker talking about how to make it through a valley and the first point was to stay active by helping others.
   
No matter what our circumstances are, there is never a reason to stop giving out of ourselves, to stop loving, or stop caring. However, helping other people when we are struggling through a valley is probably the last thing we think of to do. This idea can be so abstract because we live in a world with a mentality that focuses on “what can help me, who can help me, me, me”. This is especially true when things in life start to get tough: the very notion of helping other people kind-of vanishes, we go into survival mode and we begin to only think about ourselves and our situation. Believe me when I say that I am speaking this probably more to myself than anyone else. I was challenged at the conference, and now as I read through my notes again I am challenged once more, probably even more so than before. 

When you don’t want to help someone … help lots of people

“Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.” Philippians 2:4


to be continued. . .

what if . . .

I love it when God knows exactly what I need, even when I don’t . . . even when I don’t recognize that there is a need, He knows.  And as He shows me, I come to find out that there was a need inside of me all along. Often times its just that I don’t recognize it. Yet, when He begins to reveal it, it’s a beautiful moment.

It’s a moment filled with such candor, yet, is there still part of me, amidst my own flesh, that feels discomfort towards the challenge, towards the task, towards the truth that He is revealing to me?
I realized that I was letting the what ifs overshadow the truth that God was revealing to me during that moment. I was letting fear get in the way of God doing something great, and it hit me hard. I was holding onto my own weaknesses as if they were more important than God was at that moment.

what if
How could I even think those two words at such a time?

Earlier I came across this article, and as I read through it I felt as if I had written every word of it myself. I could relate to what the author was writing about. . . I was overwhelmed with a sense of comfort and of disbelief. As I finished the article I read,

And so I find comfort in that: in learning to trust God a little more each day. Maybe it will always be a fight for me, a fight to keep the anxiety back, but the point is, I can fight it. I don’t have to let it consume me. And that is what God calls me to do each day: trust more, fear less. And I am on that journey.

I sigh optimistically, knowing I am on that journey too, but knowing full well that it is possible.
a b s o l u t e l y   p o s s i b l e

chapter 16

I would like to introduce you to Chapter 16 of Max Lucado’s book Out Live Your Life.

Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me.
- Matthew 25:40

   At 7:51 a.m., January 12, 2007, a young musician took his position against a wall in a Washington, D.C. metro station. He wore jeans, a long-sleeved T-shirt, and a Washington Nationals baseball cap. He opened a violin case, removed his instrument, threw a few dollars and pocket change into the case as seed money, and began to play.

He played for the next forty-three minutes. He performed six classical pieces. During that time 1,097 people passed by. They tossed in money to the total of $32.17. Of the 1,097 people, seven—only seven—paused longer than sixty seconds. And of the seven, one—only one—recognized the violinist Joshua Bell.

Three days prior to this metro appearance staged by the Washington Post, Bell filled Boston’s Symphony Hall, where just fairly good tickets went for $100 a seat. Two weeks after the experiment, he played for a standing-room-only audience in Bethesda, Maryland. Joshua Bell’s talents can command $1,000 a minute. That day in the subway station, he barely earned enough to buy a cheap pair of shoes.
You can’t fault the instrument. He played a Stradivarius built in the golden period of Stradivari’s career. It’s worth $3.5 million. You can’t fault the music. Bell successfully played a piece from Johann Sebastian Bach that Bell called “one of the greatest achievements of any man in history.”
But scarcely anyone noticed. No one expected majesty in such a context. Shoe-shine stand to one side, kiosk to the other. People buying magazines, newspapers, chocolate bars, and lotto tickets. And who had time? This was a workday. This was the Washington workforce. Government workers mainly, on their way to budget meetings and management sessions. Who had time to notice beauty in the midst of busyness? Most did not.
Most of us will someday realize that we didn’t either. From the perspective of heaven, we’ll look back on these days—these busy, cluttered days—and realize, That was Jesus playing the violin. That was Jesus wearing the ragged clothes. That was Jesus in the orphanage . . . in the jail . . . in the cardboard shanty. The person needing my help was Jesus.
. . .
Compassion has a dozen advocates.
But for the Christian, none is higher than this: when we love those in need, we are loving Jesus. It is a mystery beyond science, a truth beyond statistics. But it is a message that Jesus made crystal clear: when we love them, we love him. .
Who would want to miss a chance to do that?    

                                                                                                                            

O Lord, where did I see you yesterday . . . and didn’t recognize you? Where will I encounter you today . . . and fail to identify you?

there is still more

Moving day is slowly approaching and we went outside today to begin raking up the leaves … and let me tell you, in all of the time that we lived in this house, the yard never seemed this big! All of a sudden it seemed bigger than ever before, and it was covered in what seemed like inches of leaves. Our task of simply raking up the leaves was starting to seem impossible, certainly more than we had anticipated, and much more than we all wanted to do today.

As the pile grew bigger and bigger it seemed like we were finally getting something done, yet every time we looked up and out across the yard, our progress seemed like we were getting no where fast. Eventually we moved our pile of leaves onto a large tarp and dragged it down to the bottom of the hill. As the tarp was being dragged away, across all of the other yet-to-be-raked leaves, I thought that it seemed like we had made a big accomplishment, yet there was still so much work to be done.

At that moment it made me think…often times this picture resembles our own lives, we have inequities and faults, and our lives are like the leaf covered grass, splattered with everything that shouldn’t be there, tainted by sin. This alone should drive us back to our knees, to come before God and let Him work a little more, cleanse a little more, mold us a little more.

Yet, its easy after we feel God shift us and we start to see some progress, to say to ourselves, “that’s good enough, we’ve made progress”. But all the while God is saying 'yes this is big, but I wish you could see how much more you need to loose, to lay down, there is a vast area that I still need to work in and clean up.' And when we look at the progress compared to the rest of the yard that is covered with leaves, we realize that there is still a lot of work to be done. It should propel us to ask God to show us the inequities and faults in our lives, so that we are not blind to the rest of the unclean, leaf strewn areas in our lives. For me…. I need to do this everyday. every. single. day. Because I know that without God’s mercy and grace there is no way that I would make it.

As I am standing there, watching the leaves disappear to the bottom of the hill, I hear it. Right then. In the middle of the ordinary and everyday, he is speaking. ‘yes you are leaning and yes you are growing but there is still more, just look at this, there is still more that I can do, it's going to be hard, and it's going to be a lot of work, but it will be worth it, and I can do it, but only if you allow me to’ 

I know, with everything in me, that I can’t do it on my own. It has to be through Him.

beautiful inspiration

"I have found it: He does have surprising, secret purposes. I open a Bible, and His plans, startling, lie there barefaced. It’s hard to believe it, when I read it, and I have to come back to it many times, feel long across those words, make sure they are real. his love letter forever silences any doubts: ‘His secret purpose framed from the very beginning is to bring us to our full glory’ [1 Corinthians 2:7]” 

-  written by Ann Voskamp; a marvelous writer and inspiration